John Basedow is a jackass, and Fitness Made Simple is useless garbage.

I’ve been thinking for a minute and I’ve come to the conclusion that there are really only two reactions you could possibly have to my above statement.

1. LOL! I totally agree!
2. Who is John Basedow and what is Fitness Made Simple?

Now you might be wondering why I didn’t have a 3rd reaction that went something along the lines of “Hey, that’s not nice. I disagree with you completely. John Basedow is awesome, and Fitness Made Simple is extremely useful for anyone with the goal of weight loss or just improving their diet and workout.”

The reason I didn’t include this 3rd reaction is because honestly, no sane person could possibly have this reaction.

See, John Basedow is a “fitness celebrity.” That is the real serious term people (including himself) use to describe him. Bodybuilder? Nah. Personal Trainer? Nope. Diet Guru? No way. Fitness Expert? No again. He is a real life Fitness Celebrity. I’m not really sure what that means or even how someone becomes one, but I do have a strong feeling that one of the main requirements is being a jackass.

John Basedow is totally a fitness celebrity!

What also makes this guy a fitness celebrity is his fitness products. He sells these workout and nutrition videos. The only reason I know this is because of the seemingly infinite amount of TV commercials that air every second of every day for the last few years.

These commercials air so often that I occasionally have nightmares where John Basedow shows up and tries to make me buy his videos. And that Fitness Made Simple theme song… words just can’t describe it. If you’ve never heard it before, be sure to turn your speakers up and visit his official site. Those lyrics haunt me.

If you went to hear the song, you probably also got a glimpse of John himself. I know what you’re thinking. This is the dorkiest looking guy you’ve ever seen.

I agree. For the first few years of Fitness Made Simple commercials, Mr. Basedow sported brown/black hair. Then one day to the delight of people around the world, he went blonde. If you weren’t hysterically laughing at his commercials before then, you certainly had to be now.

I don’t want to make fun of the guy too much. I’m sure he’s a good guy and all. So instead, let’s make fun of the useless weight loss and fitness videos (garbage) he is trying to sell.

First of all, his website calls them “best selling workout and nutrition videos.” Excuse me, workout and nutrition videos? This guy is like straight out of 1983. I can understand buying some kind of aerobic type of video, but who the hell is buying workout and nutrition videos? I’m not even sure what a nutrition video is.

I can only imagine it’s him sitting in his kitchen going “…and now I’m going to eat some grilled chicken. Chicken is good because it’s high in protein. Hey, get a close up of this.” Then 45 minutes later, “And now I’m drinking some water. Water is good to drink. Try to drink a lot of it. If you have a sink in your house you can get your water right from there. See? Just turn the knob and out comes water.”

Really, what else could a nutrition video be? It can only be John Basedow standing around talking to the camera as though he is teaching a nutrition class. I have $1,000.00 that says whatever nutrition information is given on those Fitness Made Simple videos can be found online on thousands of different web sites, for free. For example, this one.

And the workout video(s)… clips of those are shown in the commercials. It’s just John Basedow in his Fitness Made Simple t-shirt doing bicep curls and crunches and saying things like “Don’t forget to breath” and “Squeeze at the top.” Yes, we’re talking really ground breaking stuff here. Once again, you can learn how to do bicep curls and other weight training exercises just as easily online… and for free. Heck, you can even walk into a gym and have someone show you.

Really all John Basedow is doing is taking the information available for free all over the internet and reading it to a camera and making videos out of it and then selling it. Now I’m certainly not saying he got/stole/took the information from there. I’m just saying it’s available there right this very second.

In 1983 (the same year his haircut was in style, if ever) this wouldn’t be as bad as it sounds now. There was no Google then. But now? Now you can find whatever weight loss and fitness information given on those videos online and for free faster than it would take you to “get your credit card ready.”

So, in my humble opinion, John Basedow is a jackass and Fitness Made Simple is useless garbage. Nothing personal John, but you’re selling something that I (and literally thousands of others) give for free. At first I wasn’t sure if that made you a jackass or just a really good business man.

But, once you factor in that haircut… all signs point towards jackass.

I’ve been working out for a bunch of years now, and for pretty much all of that time the exercise at the heart of my chest workout has been the bench press. This shouldn’t come as a shock at anyone. After all, the bench press is the agreed upon king of chest exercises.

What also shouldn’t come as a shock is the fact that the exercise most commonly requiring a spotter also happens to be bench press. The reason why is obvious. It’s sort of the only exercise where, if you can’t finish a rep, you just might drop the bar on your head/neck/chest and ya know, die.

I’ve also never had an actual full time (or even part time) “workout partner.”

If you combine the 3 facts above you should come to the realization that I, like many people, have been forced to have complete strangers at the gym act as my bench press spotter.

It should also go without saying that this has lead to many… what’s the best way to put this… I know… interesting situations.

I thought it would be fun to relive some of these “interesting” bench press situations with you, and I figured what better way to start it off than with the official #1 worst bench press spotter situation of them all.

About 3 months ago I was in the gym and ready to start my 4th, final and heaviest set on the bench press. To ensure I didn’t accidentally kill myself, I asked this guy for a spot. I’ve seen this guy in the gym all the time. We have sort of a “friendly nod of recognition” gym relationship going. This of course is when we nod hello/goodbye to each other on our ways in and out of the gym. We don’t shake hands or actually, ya know, speak. We both seem perfectly happy with the nod.

I seem to have a lot of this type of gym relationship going.

So anyway, he walks into the area where the bench press benches are and is about to pass me. We both nod “hello” as usual, but this time I also add in a point to the bench I’m using along with the sentence “Can you give me a spot?” He says “Sure.” We just had our biggest conversation of all time.

The next thing you know, I’m bench pressing. I was aiming for 6 reps during this set. Last time I only got 5 which makes 6 reps my goal this. The set was going well, I felt strong, my form felt good, I felt 6 reps was very doable. That was until rep #3. See, on rep #3… something happened. Something that has never before happened.

Something landed on my forehead.

Now, at that second, I had no idea what happened. All I knew was I had some heavy weight in the air above me and a goal of 6 reps. This was rep #3, so I had to go on.

The next thing you know, something lands on my forehead again. A second after that, something else lands on me, this time near my nose. I was only at rep #4 and half of my focus has now drifted towards what the hell is landing on my face.

I pressed on, though. I knew my bench press goal was to get 6 reps on my 4th set, so I had to finish. I wasn’t going to let whatever this strange occurrence was stop me. But then, during rep #5, it happened again… only worse. Now whatever it is that has been landing on my face during the last 2 reps just hit me in my right eye.

At this point I’m doing rep #5 with only one eye open. This has become more of a distraction than I can handle. I probably could have gotten rep #6, but I had to stop. I put the bar back on the rack and was done with this set. Whatever it was that was hitting me in the face and eye has ruined my 4th bench press set.

I sat up on the bench, turned to my spotter (who didn’t have to do a thing) and politely said “Thanks man.” He said “No problem.” It was at that very second that I finally realized what ruined my set, what landed on my face, and what hit me in the eye. What was it, you ask?

Sweat. My bench press spotter’s sweat dripped on to my face/right eye.

This is a true story, in case anyone is wondering. This dude honestly sweat all over my face. He even said “Sorry about the sweat” as though that was going to help at all. I had someone else’s sweat on my forehead, cheek and eye. I’m not a germa-phobe by any means, BUT I HAD SOME GUY’S SWEAT IN MY EYE!!!

So, for anyone looking for a moral to this story, here’s what I can give you. The next time someone spots you on the bench press and you felt they did something annoying or distracting in some way, remember this… the #1 official most distracting thing that a bench press spotter can do to you during a set is drip their filthy disgusting sweat into your eye. So if whatever they did wasn’t that… you have absolutely nothing to complain about you big baby.

Oh, and the secondary moral is to make sure your spotter didn’t just finish doing cardio 2 minutes before they spot you.

Tip 1:
Forget keeping track of what you eat. Seriously, who has time to count calories? Not you, that’s for sure! The same goes for protein, fat, and carbs. It’s a weight loss myth that tracking all of this diet stuff is actually important.

You’re a borderline genius, right? All you need to do is take an estimate of how much you think you may have eaten, and due to your genius-ness, I’m sure you’ll end up being accurate enough.

Tip 2:
Don’t exercise. It’s a waste of time… time that we already know you don’t have Mr/Ms Busy Person. You work, or go to school, or have kids, or friends, or a girlfriend/boyfriend… you certainly can’t find 30-60 minutes a day 3 or 4 times a week to workout.

“Exercise is good for your health.” “Exercise burns calories.” “Exercise will help you lose weight faster and easier and keep it off for good” Yeah, yeah, yeah. Blah, blah, blah. It’s probably all just marketing hype to get you to buy a gym membership. Plus, chances are your rough estimates of how many calories, protein, carbs and fat you’re eating each day are so spot-on and accurate that your diet alone will cause your weight loss.

Tip 3:
Take the stairs instead of the elevator. You already know you have no time for a real actual workout, so you might as well take the stairs instead of the elevator because we all know that a really intense 1-hour workout can easily be replaced by walking up 1 flight of stairs every other week.

Tip 4:
Buy low fat food. Forget calories, you know darn well that weight loss is all about how much fat you eat. Who cares how many calories or carbs these low fat foods have… they are low in fat and that’s really all that matters. Calories schmalories… less fat = weight loss.

Tip 5:
Go on one of those food-specific fad diets like The Cabbage Soup Diet or The Grapefruit Diet. As we all know, it’s a proven scientific fact that both cabbage soup and grapefruit contain magical powers that cause a person to lose weight.

You don’t need exercise, and you certainly don’t need any of those vitamins and other nutrients that these foods lack yet are still very important to a healthy diet. No, you just need foods that use Voo-Doo to make weight loss happen. A quick side note… I heard from a friend of a friend that cabbage soup and grapefruit originally came to this planet from Krypton. That’s the very same planet Superman is from. Coincidence? I think not.

Tip 6:
Is most of the fat you want to lose on your stomach? If so, forget making any changes to your diet. What you eat has nothing to do with getting a flat stomach and 6 pack abs. The true key to losing that stubborn belly fat is buying one of those ab machines you see advertised on TV all the time.

For just 5 minutes a day and only 3 easy payments $19.95, you really can get the body and stomach you’ve always dreamed of. Your diet has nothing to do with this in any way. It’s all about spending money on a fancy ab machine. Spot reduction is possible, and only these ab machines can make it happen. How? Don’t tell anyone I told you this but… these ab machines are also from Krypton.

Tip 7:
Drink at least 8 cups of soda per day. I know, you were expecting me to say water. But come on, seriously, water tastes like crap! I don’t know anyone who actually drinks this junk. Not only that, but I once heard that one of the ingredients of soda actually IS water.

So, by drinking at least 8 cups of soda per day, it’s practically like you’re drinking 8 cups of water. And not only that, but soda has no fat! Sure it has tons of sugar and calories, but let’s not forget it’s fat (not calories) that causes a person to gain weight, and soda has none of it!

Tip 8:
Buy different clothes and always wear black. You know all of those articles usually found in women’s magazines explaining how you can “look 30 pounds skinnier” just by dressing a certain way? These articles are genius!!! Why lose weight when you can just hide it?

That unhealthy out-of-breath-from-walking-up-the-stairs look is totally in right now. Who cares if your weight may eventually kill you, you’re beautiful on the inside, and those black clothes do a fantastic job of hiding your outside. Again, why lose it when you can hide it?

Tip 9:
Cheat! Cheat meals are the single greatest thing you can possibly do for yourself. Have one cheat meal a week, one cheat meal a day, one cheat meal an hour, who cares… just be sure to cheat! Cheating won’t ruin every one’s diet, just the ones who lack the will power to cheat properly. Hopefully you’re one of those kinds of people! Cheating from your diet and eating unhealthy junk foods you know you shouldn’t eat is the perfect way to keep the thought and delicious taste of these foods fresh in your mind.

Eventually if you cheat enough, there is a really good chance that some of you may just crave these foods so much that you’ll just fall off your diet altogether. If you’re going to cheat and have 3 cookies, you might as well cheat a little more and have 10 cookies. 3… 10… no big deal. It’s just a little cheat meal, and cheating never hurt anyone.

Tip 10:
Don’t follow The Lose Weight Diet. That stupid diet is only for people who want to lose weight safely, effectively and without wasting time or money. Now who in the world would want that? Not me, that’s for sure.

I want to do unsafe things like take weight loss pills, or waste time on countless fad diets and gimmicks, or better yet spend money on weight loss junk that no one actually needs. The Lose Weight Diet is for people who actually WANT to lose weight. Ha! No thanks.

Bonus Tip:
In case you accidentally skipped the title of this post, it’s called “10 tips to NOT lose weight.” So, if your goal is to get absolutely no results, to lose absolutely no weight, and to waste lots of time and/or money getting absolutely no where, these 10 tips are definitely for you. However, if you do indeed want to lose weight, you may want to try doing the opposite of everything you’ve just read.

I laugh whenever I see an article claiming to give the reader “the 100 best diet tips” or “50 easy ways to lose weight.” Why? Because weight loss isn’t that complicated. You don’t need to do 150 different things. In fact, weight loss requires just 2 simple steps. Guess what else? Neither of these steps is exercise if you don’t want it to be.

(Before you get to the 2 steps, please understand this: You should exercise. It’s good for your body, mind, soul, spirit, chi and whatever other wacky things you can come up with. Exercise provides many more positive health benefits than just weight loss alone. Yes, even more than giving you “hot, sexy, toned arms and legs” and a “defined, chiseled, sculpted chest and abs.” Exercise is the complete opposite of a bad thing. Got that? Good.)

With that being said, here’s the 2 simple steps to lose weight without exercise…

Step 1:

Figure out your daily calorie maintenance level. This is the number of calories your body needs to burn each day to do, ya know, things. For example, living and standing. Getting this number (or a close enough estimate) is quite easy. To do this, use the quick and easy calorie maintenance level calculator about 6 paragraphs from the top of the weight loss diet plan page. That should give you the close enough estimate.

Since it’s impossible to know for sure if that estimate will be close enough for everyone, a second option for figuring out your calorie maintenance level is described directly below the calculator. You’re welcome to use both methods if you want.

Step 2:

Once you know your calorie maintenance level, it’s time for some very basic subtraction. If you failed second grade math, now would be the time to go get a calculator. There are about 3500 calories in 1 pound. So, if you were to eat 3500 calories less than your body needs each week, you would end up losing 1 pound per week. Since there are 7 days in a week, this comes out to be 500 less calories than your maintenance level each day. (3500calories ÷ 7days = 500calories less per day)

Here’s an example…

Let’s say your daily calorie maintenance level came out to be 3000 calories. To lose 1 pound per week, you need to eat 500 less calories a day. So, in this example you would start to eat 2500 calories per day from now on. Doing so would create a total deficit of 3500 calories a week and therefore cause a weight loss of about 1 pound per week.

And there you have it… the 2 simple steps to lose weight without exercise.

Done.

Oh, and by the way, if you are wondering why there was no mention of protein, carbs or fat, or you felt these 3 steps were lacking some detail and explanation, it’s because what you just read was nothing more than a very brief summary of The Lose Weight Diet.

Don’t sweat it though, because you can learn all about protein, carbs and fat, and get all of the detail and explanation you desire by checking out the 3 phases of this completely free and non-commercial weight loss plan right here:

Phase 1: Learn How To Lose Weight
Phase 2: Create Your Weight Loss Diet Plan
Phase 3: Continue Losing Weight And Keep It Off

As you may or may not have noticed, after The Lose Weight Diet site went live about a month ago, there hasn’t been one single update since. No no, it’s not because I’m lazy or just an all around terrible web-site-runner-person. It’s just that if my hands had to type the words “weight” or “calories” or “diet” one more time, they would have attacked me. Yes, seriously.

I don’t think I’ve ever typed the same few words so many times over the course of such a short period of time. It’s okay though. I’m pretty much back to normal now. So anyway, the update…

A healthy diet alone will make you lose weight - Weight Loss Myth

It’s an article about the idea that just eating a good diet consisting of good foods (and no junk food) is enough to automatically cause a person to lose weight. Is it true? We’ll, if your detective skills are good enough, you’ve probably already figured out that it isn’t due to the phrase “Weight Loss Myth” appearing at the end of the title of the actual article. Nice work, Sherlock.

Feel free to leave any questions/comments about that article right here. If you have any suggestions for future articles, you can leave that here as well or just send me an email.